Facebook Parenting: For the troubled teen.

[Seven]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=kl1ujzRidmU

[Andorian]

Just another redneck with a gun.

[Seven]

I disagree.
My take, is just another father tired of the "little brat syndrome".

You really have to watch the whole thing.

[happy cat]

Looks like other parents are trying alternate ways to let their kids know they are not going to take it anymore.

Family Resorts To Public Humiliation To Stop Teen From Stealing


 By Chris Morran on February 14, 2012 3:15 PM




What's a parent to do with a sticky-fingered teenager who keeps stealing things from other family members? For one Memphis family, the answer was to make that teen stand on a busy street corner holding up a "I steal from my family" sign.

As if being gawked at by passersby isn't humiliating a enough, the 13-year-old's local ABC affiliate popped by to capture it all on camera.

The girls' aunt tells the TV reporters that the teen had gotten into the habit of taking items from family members during the last couple years, but that when she stole her mom's debit card to reactivate a cell phone that had been cut off to punish the girl, it was time to notch up the discipline.

"That's why she's out here, because she apparently has not learned her lesson," the aunt explains.


http://consumerist.com/2012/02/family-resorts-to-public-humiliation-to-stop-teen-from-stealing.html

[YoungBulaGuy]

I like the story happy cat posted.

I think it's a measured response to the offense.

The guy is either a psychopath or an attention whore. If my son were using his laptop to deal drugs, to hire prostitutes, or something seriously dangerous, I can see taking the laptop and never returning it. I fully expect my kid to say stupid crap about me... if not I'm not doing my job. I would hope he would be smart enough to not get caught, cause I certainly would ground him for being disrespectful. But I've spewed about my wife for an hour to a friend only to realize that the situation I was frustrated about was a lot smaller than I made it... and I'm becoming more and more rational as I age.

An irrational creature like a teenager can't be expected to follow through with the same kind of judgment. They should be protected and monitored, but not controlled in that manner.

I might be speaking out of my donkey though, I may eat my words once my kid's that old. I have SERIOUS issues with this father's decision making though.

[DaveDopp]

[snip]The guy is either a psychopath or an attention whore. If my son were using his laptop to deal drugs, to hire prostitutes, or something seriously dangerous, I can see taking the laptop and never returning it. I fully expect my kid to say stupid crap about me... if not I'm not doing my job. I would hope he would be smart enough to not get caught, cause I certainly would ground him for being disrespectful. But I've spewed about my wife for an hour to a friend only to realize that the situation I was frustrated about was a lot smaller than I made it... and I'm becoming more and more rational as I age.

An irrational creature like a teenager can't be expected to follow through with the same kind of judgment. They should be protected and monitored, but not controlled in that manner.

I might be speaking out of my donkey though, I may eat my words once my kid's that old. I have SERIOUS issues with this father's decision making though.

You got one thing right in your post, YBG.  You're speaking out your donkey.  If you truly believe "An irrational creature like a teenager can't be expected to follow through with the same kind of judgment", I pity your life when your kid gets to be a teenager!  Teens are not irrational.  They're irresponsible - unless their parents teach them to be responsible. 

Teens are fully capable of making rational and correct decisions if you take the time to explain the pros and cons of their decisions.  My experience has been that when they understand the consequences, 99 percent of the time or more they will make good, socially acceptable, decisions.

Children do not automatically or magically develop a sense of responsibility at some certain age like 18 or 21.  Responsibility is a learned attribute.  As a parent, you have the responsibility of teaching that beginning when the child learns to walk - or even sooner.  If you don't, you will have unhappy children, VERY unhappy teens, and adult children who will flounder through life.

As a parent YOU must set the rules for your kids.  It starts at a very early age.  Children must learn there are consequences for their actions.  Consequences could be both good and bad.  My kids knew that as long as they obeyed the house rules, they would have lots of freedom.  They knew that our family was not a democracy.  Rather, it was a benevolent dictatorship.

For example, my youngest son started talking about driving at the age of 12.  I told him he would not drive until he demonstrated enough maturity to handle the responsibility - that a car was very dangerous in irresponsible hands.  his sense of responsibility took a huge jump from then on!  At age 14 I began taking him to the company parking lot (3 acres) and taught him how to handle and drive the family car.  He got his permit at 15 and his license at 16.

We never had a problem with teenage rebellion.  When we asked the kids why they never rebelled, they said, "There was nothing to rebel against."  If they thought the rules were too tight, they knew they could discuss changes with us.  We would usually go along with moderate changes so long as they accepted and handled well the increased responsibility that goes with increased freedom.  We rarely had to take back any freedom we granted them.

As for your comments about Tommy (the dad who shot the laptop) you know nothing about the man or his family.  I checked out his Facebook account and his posts going back for months before the incident.  He sounds like a quite sensible and responsible individual.  As for being "an attention whore" you totally missed it there!  He's been hounded by every media outlet and TV show to make an appearance.  He has repeatedly refused and asked them all to go away.

He had warned his daughter previously about her irresponsible Facebook posts and that she would lose her computer privileges if she didn't change her behaviour.  She didn't and he destroyed her laptop in a way that clearly got her attention.  She changed her behavior. 

It's quite interesting that those who have or had teenage children overwhelmingly supported his destruction of the computer.  There is also a significant majority of teenagers who thought he did right.

[Andorian]

Discipling children should be handled in private. Public humiliation as a means of discipline is an attack on a childs self-esteem.

[jpinball]

A lack of self esteem is not prevalent among today's youth.

The belief that there is follows from a culture that believes that there is a right to not be offended, otherwise known as political correctness, which is taught in our colleges in lieu of  elementary logic.

You are correct about public humiliation not being an effective means of discipline. This goes both ways. If your kid is throwing a tantrum in a store, all you can really do is leave. Do not negotiate, or placate, just go.

But as to the topic, would there have been such a negative reaction if it had been her single mother, at her wits end, driving over the laptop with her Prius?

See, it's not about the laptop.

What is it about? Symbolism. In this light, what is the message.

[Scootergirl]

Discipling children should be handled in private. Public humiliation as a means of discipline is an attack on a childs self-esteem.

Esteem is earned, and self esteem in teens is often ambitious beyond reason.  I'd say a little public humiliation did more good than harm, here.

[DaveDopp]

Disciplining children should be handled in private. Public humiliation as a means of discipline is an attack on a childs self-esteem.

You are correct ... to a point.  However, if private discipline does not change the child's destructive behavior, public humiliation is a viable alternative.  Children are much more resilient than you give them credit for.  I would agree that gratuitous public humiliation is harmful, but public humiliation as a tool of discipline when all other methods fail is not.  The child absolutely knows the punishment is for misbehavior and will suffer no lasting harm to self-esteem.

My daughter had a problem with my granddaughter when she began high school.  My granddaughter had a problem with cutting classes and skipping school to go to the mall.  My daughter tried every way she could to stop the misbehavior - took away privileges, grounded her, etc.  Nothing worked.  So my daughter spent a week taking my granddaughter to school every day.  She sat with her in every class, went to lunch with her, went to the bathroom, every study hall, all day long.  For a week.

My granddaughter was humiliated and embarrassed to tears.  But - she never again cut classes.  She finished high school as a straight "A" student.  Today she is a happy, socially responsible, married wife and mother.  She absolutely has no problem with self-esteem.  She is a strong-willed, independent woman - just like her mother.

[happy cat]

The article I posted mentions the girl had been stealing for a few years. Obviously in home punishment was not working for her.

[happy cat]

I can not imagine what Scoots and other teachers have to tolerate today. When I was in school we got our butts beat there and knew better than to try whatever it was we got in trouble for ever again. As for the grocery store, same thing. If we acted up, mom didn't take us home. She straightened us out then and there and continued shopping. She was on a schedule!  If a parent spanked a kid in a store today they would probably be forced to go to parenting classes. Or worse.

I will say we had the utmost respect for our mom and rarely did she ever have to use physical punishment.

[YoungBulaGuy]

When I have a teenager and I'm forced to make those decisions, I'll re-evaluate my position. I'm not afraid to discipline and discipline hard. I can only formulate an opinion on the experiences I've had, and based strictly on that I disagree with his approach. It's his child though, and however he sees fit to discipline her is his decision. There are enough terrible parents in the world that I'm sure even his approach is much better than most. It's just not my style.

In 15 years, maybe I'll come back to happyhackerbbs25 or whatever iteration it's on ;-) and adjust my position. With any luck I'll be able to raise my kids half as well as you have Dave, without the need of a 45.

[DoubleR]

I can not imagine what Scoots and other teachers have to tolerate today. When I was in school we got our butts beat there and knew better than to try whatever it was we got in trouble for ever again.

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Yes, HC you are correct. I received the end of Mr. Gilbert Martello's paddle once while I was in grade school at Columbus. That is all it took to straighten me out. If he would have told my parents, my Dad's leather belt would have been placed harshly across my butt.  !
 

[Citygirl]

I can not imagine what Scoots and other teachers have to tolerate today. When I was in school we got our butts beat there and knew better than to try whatever it was we got in trouble for ever again.

----------------
Yes, HC you are correct. I received the end of Mr. Gilbert Martello's paddle once while I was in grade school at Columbus. That is all it took to straighten me out. If he would have told my parents, my Dad's leather belt would have been placed harshly across my butt.  !

Exactly, RR. That was how it was back then. Mr. Martello was also my principal at CJH..and the majority of the students were very well behaved. If you did something once, you never did it again. I think a lot of kids are mollycoddled these days, as much or more by their parents as anyone else. If the parents don't make them take personal responsibility for their bad mistakes, then they more than likely never will.